


By Any Other Name

by GothamPeasant



Category: Captain America - All Media Types, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: M/M, Memory Loss
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-11-03
Updated: 2014-11-04
Packaged: 2018-02-23 22:42:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 5,437
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2558366
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GothamPeasant/pseuds/GothamPeasant
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>You knew him.<br/>He said-<br/>He said he knew you.<br/>He said-<br/>He said your name was-</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> WARNING: implied mentions of suicide and toture

James Buchanan Barnes. James Buchanan Barnes. James “Bucky” Barnes.

He said your name was-

_Come along, **James** , you can play with your friend after supper. _

_Hey **Bucky** , look what mama got me for Christmas! _

_Sergeant **Barnes** , sir. What do we do?_

He said- he said-

You knew him.

He said- He said-

He knew you.

_I’m your friend._

_James. Buchanan. Barnes._

He said your name was-

* * *

 

 _James Buchanan Barnes_ was the best friend of _Steven Grant Rogers_.

 _James Buchanan Barnes_ was the only Howling Commando to give his life in the line of duty.

 _James Buchanan Barnes_ was the best friend of-

 _Steven Grant Rogers_ is-

 _James Buchanan Barnes_ gave his life-

 _Steven Grant Rogers_ is a hero.

 _James Buchanan Barnes_ gave his life-

_Steven Grant Rogers-_

_Steve Rogers_ -

 _ **Steve**_ -

 _ **Bucky**_ -

 **Bucky Barnes** -

 **James Buchanan Barnes** -

He said he knew you.

You knew him.

He said your name was-

* * *

 

Where are you?

Where are you?

Where are you?

It’s dark.

Just lay still, your eyes will adjust.

Why is it so dark?

Footsteps.

Assess…

Bodies. Five. Dead. Slit neck. Gunshot wound. Stab wound. Broken neck. Broken neck.

Red? What- Blood.

There is red on your hands and boots. Possible trail.

Footsteps. Three bodies. Alive. Three minutes until exposure.

Assess…

No more targets. Footsteps unknown.

Assess…

No more targets. Remain hidden.

Large air vent. Straighten. Jump. Climb.

Three turns until locker room.

Assess…

Red on hands and Boots. Possible trail. Remove. Exchange. Leave.

Assess…

Boots exchanged, Red on hands washed. No trail.

Escape. Wait.

“He couldn’t have gotten far. The bodies were still warm. We can split up and search the surrounding area for a trail.”

Assess...

Blonde hair. Blue Eyes. The man on the Bridge. The Mission.

“Hey wait, man, there were five bodies in there. All were heavily armed. Do you really think splitting up is the best idea at the moment. Sure I think you and Nat can take care of yourselves, but I’m running on three hours of sleep here.”

Assess…

Man with the Wings. Accomplice to The Mission.

“Sam’s right, **Steve**. We’re all running low on sleep. We’d barely be able to take him down together let alone apart.”

“He doesn’t need-“

“We just saw five bodies in there **Steve**. We need to find him fast, but don’t underestimate him. The moment we do is the moment we fail.”

Assess…

Black Widow. Assassin. Threat Level: high. Accomplice to The Mission.

“Every time we get near him, he’s that much farther away. We have to find him and bring him home. We need to stop this. We need to put an end to this.”

Assess…

No more Targets.

Assess…

No more Targets.

But The Mission?

No more Targets.

But The Mission?

Assess…

What is a mission without a target? 

Assess…

_“Assets do not ask questions.”_

Assess…

There are no Targets.

There is The Mission.

Engage.

The Mission is priority. Engage.

Non-lethal. No Targets.

“Uh, **Steve** , I don’t think he’s running anymore.”

“Wha- **Bucky**!”

“Stand down, **Steve** , this could be a trap.”

Assess…

One gun pointed by Black Widow. The Mission has a shield. Man with the Wings. Sam. Possible gun. Right hand. Threat level: Medium.

The Mission is not compromised.

Engage.

Pull gun, right harness.

Show. Lay on ground.

Sign: Trust, compliance.

The Mission can trust you.

He said he knew-

* * *

 

“So he sent you on a goose chase all over the world, killed a lot of people, and I mean a lot, and then shows up out of the blue, pulled out his gun, and passed out. And now what? You two are best friends forever again? Come on, **Steve** , you’re smarter than that.”

“I didn’t say anything like that, Tony. He looked tired, worn out like he hadn’t slept at all since the last time I saw him. He didn’t even try to sneak up on us. He just walked forward, disarmed himself and then hit the ground. I- I was afraid at first that someone had got to him before us. But he was just sleeping. We couldn’t get him awake though, no matter what we did.”

“So the logical choice was to bring him here. Where we live. In the middle of a heavily populated area.”

“It might not have been the logical choice, but it was the only choice. We don’t know who else is after him. Or what he remembers. Or what he was trying to do.”

“ **Steve** , I’ll do everything I can to make sure he stays alive, you know that. You brought me a fully function robot arm! I’ll owe you a million favors now! But I think you need to remember that the man attached to that arm won’t be the same as you remember. He lived 70 years of being the Winter Soldier. He’s not the same, and he never will be. This could have been his plan. ”

“It doesn’t matter, he’ll always be **Bucky**.”

“Oh my god, you’re ignoring me aren’t you? I try my hand one time at being responsible and I get ignored by Captain America. That’s just great. Oh no, no, it’s too late now. Leave me. I’m going to go make sure your lover boy will be alive long enough for you to regret not listening to me."

* * *

 

_“What is your name?”_

_“Sergeant **James Buchanan Barnes** 395874558.”_

_“What is your purpose?”_

_“Sergeant **James Buchanan Barnes** 395874558.”_

_“What is your name?”_

_“ gah-S-sergeant **James B-buchanan Barnes** 3-3-3-958-7-7-74558.”_

_“What is your purpose?”_

_“Fuck you!”_

_“What is your name?”_

_“Sergeant **James Buchanan Barnes** 395-what the fuck what what are you doingnonononono.”_

_“What is your purpose?”_

_“Stopstop,please please.”_

_“What is your name?”_

_“Sergeant James Buch-aaaaargh no. Sergeant- Sergeant **James** \- stop stop”_

_“What is your purpose?”_

_“What are you doing? What are you doing? Fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuck. Ja- **James** \- **James Buchanan James Buchanan** \- **James**.”_

_“What is your name?”_

_“It’s not going to fucking change no matter how often you ask me that! I am J- GAH,F UCK, FUCK, I AM-AHHH- J-J-J-AAAAA!”_

_“What is your purpose?”_

_“What?”_

_“What is your name?”_

_“What?”_

_“What is your purpose?”_

_“I am Ja-”_

_“What is your name?”_

_“I am-”_

_“What is your purpose?”_

_“I am- I am- I am-”_

_“What is your name?”_

_“I-”_

_“What is your purpose?”_

_“…”_

_“Who are you?”_

_“…”_

* * *

 

He said he knew me.

He said my name was-

* * *

“ **Bucky**. **Bucky**. **Bucky**. Hey, you in there? You know the Caps real worried about you. You should, oh I don’t know, wake up now.

Look, I’m not exactly an expert on humans or anything, and I sure as hell had to call in a few experts, but they all swear up and down there’s nothing wrong- which wow color me surprised my friend cause I read a few reports on what they did to your brain and dang, I’m not sure how anyone can survive that, let along be fine by it. But hey here we are. You, me, and very worried **Steve**.

So wake up buddy. **Steve** says I can’t look at your arm until you wake up and give permission. Which is bullshit, but hey, we’re all friends here. I listen to what the Cap says and I don’t get murdered in my sleep but your best bud.

The last 70 years must have been hell for you huh? I spent a few months of my life as a prisoner of war, I couldn’t have gone 70 years though. That’s crazy. …You’re a real tough sport, aren’t you? Steve’s not around and you’re unconscious so I can say this, not that it’s that big of a deal or anything but, I was determined to get out alive, I was, but…death looked real nice too. So I get it.

They say there’s nothing wrong with you, so I bet you can wake up any time you want.

I couldn’t sleep for-, well I actually still can’t sleep. But it does sound nice. Just drift off and never resurface.

But we’re all real worried about you, and I think it’s time to wake up and let us help. You survived the last 70 years, and by my books that makes you a **hero**.This is my little club for heroes, so you have to wake up or you’ll miss your welcome party.

What I am I even doing? J.A.R.V.I.S any sign of him listening to any of this?”

“There has been no change in any of the monitored fields.”

“Good,Good, Hey J.A.R.V.I.S, bring up the blueprints for project bumblebee would you? I have some new design ideas…”

* * *

 

Assess…

Location: Avenger Tower

Occupants: Iron Man, Hulk, Black Widow, Hawkeye, Captain America, Thor, Falcon, 5,265 employees

Threat Level: High

Assess…

Mission engaged. No weapons. No armor.

Assess…

Remain.

Assess…

Mission is top priority.

Assess…

Mission has not been compromised.

Assess…

Mission details unclear. Engage. Clarify.

Assess…

Assets do not ask questions.

* * *

_“What is your name?”_

_“I am the asset.”_

_“What is your purpose?”_

_“To serve.”_

_“Oh that’s just delightful! See boys, we’ve made ourselves something great. I think it’s about time you were put to good use.”_

* * *

“Hey **Bucky** , it’s uh me, **Steve** , I heard that it’s good to talk to coma patients. It, uh, helps or something. And I just wanted you to know that, I’m here with you, always. I’ll always be here for you, I just uh, I want you to wake up now, Buck. You don’t have to be the same and you don’t even have to remember me, I just, I want to make sure you’re safe and well, and what am I going to do now? I wake up and everyone’s gone and I can barely cope and then you show up, you and your damn perfect eyes, but you’re missing your smile and I feel like I’m crumbling because I’m so happy and so sad at the same time. And lost, I’m so lost. I can’t lose you again, not again, I won’t. Please. Wake up Buck. I just need to know you’re okay.”

“Sir, Mr. Stark would like you to know that dinner is ready.”

“Thank you J.A.R.V.I.S., but I’m not hungry tonight.”

“Excuse me sir, but you have not eaten in 38 hours. Your metabolism is suited to eating nearly every-”

“J.A.R.V.I.S! Not now. Please.”

“Very well, sir.”

“P-please.”

* * *

 

Assess…

Target: None. Mission: Here. Unknown variables.

Proceed. Wake.

Engage.

“Sir, I believe Sergant **Barnes** is finally awaking.”

“Huh? What? Whoa hey, get **Steve** , get **Steve**. Heeeeeellooo there buddy, welcome back to the land of the living.”

* * *

 

“ **Bucky**! Oh my god, **Bucky**. I’m so glad you’re awake. I’m-”

“ **Steve**?”

“Y-Yeah, Buck?”

He said- He said-

He said he knew you.

He said your name was-


	2. Chapter 2

He said your name was-

* * *

 

“ **James Buchanan Barnes** , alive at last, can I call you **Bucky**? **Bucky** , **Bucky** , how do you do? I’m Tony Stark; I know, I know, it’s a pleasure. It always is. So listen, I just kept you in my workshop, of all places, for a great number of days, and now you’re living in my tower. Now correct me if I’m wrong here but you’re hydra. Or well at least you were imprisoned and controlled by Hyrda. Not that I’m impressed by that, definitely not impressed.

Well, maybe I’m a little impressed by you. No brain damage at all! I’ve read all of your files, or at least the ones I could get my hands on. Now **Steve** tells me you use to be a do-gooder, so they must have really had to dig into your brain for- what’s that face for? Aren’t you supposed to be Mr. Stoic right now? No? Alright. Whatever. I’m not here to regal you of your past or anything anyway.

The point is Hydra made that arm, which means I have to make sure there’s not a tracker in it. Now Cap made me stupidly promise not to look at it till you woke up, but now that you’re awake, it’s like a brand new world.

Whoa, I’m pretty sure we disarmed you when you got here, so I’m wondering a little about where you got that knife. That’s okay, point taken. No touchy the arm. I’ll just sit over here in this chair, in my own house, staring at my guest, cause I’m not sure if he’s still evil or not.

Is that your plan? To just sit here until your goonies come and find us because I have to say, great plan. Really, you know your targets.”

Assess…

No Targets.

Assess…

No targets.

Assess…

No targets.

Asse-

“Wow you’re boring for a guy with a robot arm. Question: Are you twirling that knife subconsciously or are you twirling it for a menacing affect? No, Nothing? Just that look on your face. What even is that look? Are you lost? Scared? No need to be scared. We’re not hydra and we never will be. You’re as safe as you’re going to get. Not that you really need it. Cap says you took down nearly 40 hydra bases single handedly, which is more than we actually thought there were, but you knew didn’t you? Not that there isn’t going to be more, or probably is more.

Hey, what you doing? Uh, yeah, that window isn’t going to open, we’re like 63 stories up. No windows that open. I can have J.A.R.V.I.S turn down the temperature if you need me too.”

Assess…

Targets unknown.

Assess…

Targets unknown.

Assess…

Target: Hydra. Location: Unknown.

“Certainly sir, the temperature should reach a brisk 67 degrees in a few moments. ”

“Okay, Well that’s a little cold, but okay. Make sure it’s only in this room J.”

Assess…

Original analysis of quarters false.

Assess…

Unknown Assailant. Unknown Location.

Assess…

Unknown Variables.

Threat level: Unknown.

“Okay, now this is what we call a panic attack. It’s also what we call progress! Two days in and we already have progress. Yay for us! Alright we’re going to sit down, look no touchy the arm, see what I good host I am. Now sit. Good. Now head between knees. No? Well then, your choice.

Holy shit there’s a transdimensional vortex in your mind eye!”

Assess…

…

“That’s never worked on me, but glad to see science hasn’t proven me wrong once again. See, now we can try to breathe normally. In and out. In and out. That’s right, now we’re not panicking. We’re just two guys breathing in a room together.”

Assess…

Threat level: Unknown

Assess…

Large Room.Enclosed. Two escape paths. Occupants: Tony Stark, unknown

Assess…

Tony Stark.

Assess…

“Huh? Oh it’s a miniaturized Arch Reactor. It uh, keeps me alive. I’m going to have to ask you not to touch that. And that’s your robot arm. Come on, you’re not five, you know what- Oh. Well then. Comparing my life saving device and you’re super cool arm that could have a tracker or bomb in it is not that same thing.

Look, I won’t tinker with anything. I won’t change anything. I just need to make sure we’re safe. That’s all. In fact, all I have to do is take a few scans and then if I need to do anything farther, I can tell you exactly what I need to do.

That arm is yours. I’m not going to take it away. Cap isn’t going to take it away. No one is. It is yours. I just need to make sure it’s safe.

If you’re willing to let me do that, then just hold it out for me. I can have J.A.R.V.I.S scan it and then we’re done. Simple and painless.

Awesome, thank you. J, buddy, you know what to do? Hey did they let you read when you were a zombie soldier, if not I have a few books I could recommend. I have a whole library upstairs…”

* * *

 “Hey **Bucky** , I made breakfast, would you like some?”

Assess…

The Mission is awaiting response. Unknown parameters. Unknown Variables.

Assess…

Unknown Parameters.

No command given.

Assess…

No command given.

Remain. Do not engage.

“Hey Buck, its **Steve**. Did you hear me?”

Assess…

The Mission is awaiting response.

No command given. Do not engage.

“Come on Buck, you haven’t eaten the whole time you’ve been here. You have to eat something.”

Assess…

Command given: Eat.

Engage.

“Oh. Good. Good. Okay, it’s in the kitchen if you’d like to follow me. Now I want to warn you that we’re not going to be the only ones in there. Clint, Tony, and Sam are up there was well. But we’re just going to eat, okay?”

Assess…

The Mission is looking for comprehension.

Nod.

Sign: Understanding.

False.

Mission Parameters: Unknown.

“Alright, good, lets, uh, go then. The Kitchen is just this way. It’s the main Kitchen. You can come here at any time. Or you can come to my personal one. Which if you want J.A.R.V.I.S can show you. J.A.R.V.I.S runs the tower, so if you need anything just ask him. Although I’m sure Tony has already told you that.”

Assess…

J.A.R.V.I.S is command.

Command understands mission parameters.

Ask J.A.R.V.I.S to clarify mission.

False. Assets do not ask questions.

“Well, well, well, if it isn’t sleeping beauty!”

“Come on Tony, leave him alone.”

“What? I’m not doing anything. Me and Zombie are best buds, aren’t we **Bucky**?”

Assess…

Tony Stark does not take commands from The Mission.

Mission Parameters remain unknown.

“Wow, he does look like a zombie. Haven’t you given him a bath Mama Steve?”

“Not now, Clint.”

“M’kay.”

Assess…

Clint Codename Hawkeye does take orders from the mission.

Mission parameters remain unknown.

Assess…

Sam Codename Falcon remains silent. Mission Parameters remain unknown.

“Here you go, Buck.”

Assess…

Command given: Eat.

Command ignored.

Elevated heart rate.

Command given: Eat.

Command ignored.

Primary bodily functions must be repaired.

Assess…

Panic Attack.

Assess…

Holy shit, there’s a transdimensional vortex in your mind eye!

Assess…

Code phrase failed.

Assess…

Command given.

Mission Parameters unknown.

Primary bodily functions not repaired.

Assess…

Assess…

Assess…

“ ** _Steve_**.”

“It’s okay, it’s okay ,Buck, I’m here, I’m here. It’s okay. You don’t have to eat. You don’t have too. It’s okay. No one is going to harm you. No one is going to hurt you. I’m here. I’ll protect you. It’s okay, **Bucky**.”

Assess…

The Mission’s assessments are false.

**Bucky protects Steve**.

Assess…

Unknown.

Assess…

Unknown Assessment.

Assess…

Where did-

Assets do not ask questions.

Assess…

Malfunction.

Report to Command.

Protocol: Alpha 395874558

* * *

 “He just passed out from the panic attack, **Steve**. Trust me. He’ll be fine. Whatever they did to him, he’s breaking through it. I can’t imagine coming out of being brain washed is any fun.”

“I know, I just worry about him. _He’s my friend_. He hasn’t eaten anything since he’s been here. He’s only spoken twice. One word. I just want to make sure we’re not doing more damage.”

“Look, Cap, There’s no perfect way to do this. No books. No twelve step program. We just… we just have to do our best.”

“Thank you, Tony. You’re a good friend.”

“Yeah, Yeah. Don’t get all sappy on me now”

* * *

 “Asset to command J.A.R.V.I.S.”

“Yes sir? How may I be of service?”

“I am Malfunctioning. I need recalibration.”

“Why do you believe that, sir?”

“Mission Parameters are unknown. Unknown Assessments. Unknown Targets.”

“I am sorry, sir. Perhaps the mission is your choice.”

“Is this a test?”

“No.”

* * *

Assess…

Mission Unknown. Remain. Engage.

Command states mission: Choice.

What is-

* * *

_You are my friend._

_He said-_


	3. Chapter 3

“We met when we were young. Luckily for me, I needed to meet a fella like you. I was young and brash and had a million complaints against the world. It was cold and unforgiving and it just wasn’t fair.

No, it wasn’t fair at all.

So whenever someone gave me a reason to fight back, I did. That led to a lot of broken noses, and a friendship with the nurse who lived next door to you. It also led to a lot of verbal fights. Fight’s with my ma, fights with you.

You should have seen you. Eight years old and yelling at me for fighting. Ma would just step back and let you at me.

I know you never believed me, but I did stop looking for fights after that. Just for you. But fights just wouldn’t stop looking for me. So I’d get even more broken noses, and more clothes stained with blood.

And then you attached yourself to my hip. I couldn’t never go anywhere without you. But fights would still find me, and what do you know, now the other guys were sporting broken noses and blood on their shirts. You didn’t have to do that. I could handle myself. And I told you that too. But did you listen? No, No you didn’t.

‘I ain’t got time for your fights, **Steve** ; we’ve a picture to catch.’

You’d never say you were protecting me. But I knew it. Of course I knew it. I was just some scrawny little kid back then. A Scrawny little kid with a chip on their shoulder.

But you, you were something else."

* * *

Assess…

Hungry.

Assess…

Find Mission for command.

“Asset to command J.A.R.V.I.S.”

“Yes, sir?”

“ **Steve**?”

“Please follow the lights leading to the elevator then I shall take you to his floor.”

* * *

_“You know we ain’t got the money to visit no doctors, **Steve**. You have to stop fighting. What if you get badly hurt? You’re sick enough as it is! Imagine how worried your Ma is.” _

_“I couldn’t just let that guy steal the homeless man’s money!”_

_“It ain’t our business!”_

_“Yes it is!! You know how precious money is nowadays! Imagine if that was our money!”_

_“Look, just, please, don’t get hurt. At least try not to fight so much. Next time yell that the guy is stealing the cash, okay?”_

_“Alright, alright, I’ll try.”_

_“Thank you, **Steve**.”_

_“Love you, too, buck-a-roo.”_

* * *

_“Hey, **Bucky**. Did you just wake up?”_

_“Huh? Yeah.”_

_“Aren’t you suppose to be at the docks by eight?”_

_“Yeah, why? Oh shit! Why didn’t you wake me up!”_

_“I’m not your mother!”_

_“Shitshit.”_

_“What you’re just now coming to this realization? **Bucky** , I’m worried about you.” _

_“Oh,shut up. Listen I’m going to head out now. I’m working a double so we can have a decent meal this week. Don’t wait up. Try to get some sleep.”_

_“A double? But Buck, you worked doubles all last week. I can handle beans for a few nights! Buck!”_

_“Yeah, yeah. I know. Don’t wait up, see you!”_

_“Hey, get back here you jerk!”_

* * *

“We met when we were young. Luckily for me, I needed to meet a fella like you.”

* * *

  _He feels soft in my arms. Soft and delicate and full of anger. Something about this feels like it was always meant to be and yet, something feels wrong. He feels soft in my arm. Soft. Delicate. And so full of anger. Something about this feels so right. I don’t want to ever let go._

_“ **Steve**?”_

_“Hm?”_

* * *

_“I’m sorry.”_

* * *

 He feels soft in my arms. Who is he?

* * *

“We met when we were young. Luckily for me, I needed to meet a fella like you.”

* * *

 “You, you were something else.”

* * *

“Hey, **Bucky** , you just wake up?”

Assess…

Mission is awaiting answer.

Comply.

Nod.

Sign: Yes

“Okay, would you like some breakfast? I can make some pancakes?”

Assess… Primary bodily function repaired.

Hungry.

Comply.

Nod.

Sign: yes.

“Okay, how about you sit at that counter here and watch me as I cook?”

Assess…

Comply.

“Did I ever tell you about the time we met first?”

Assess…

Assess…

Assess….

“Well, we were seven and we both thought we were all grown up and ready to take on the world…”

* * *

He felt so soft in my arms. Is this the same **Steve**?

Is this-

He felt so soft in my arms. So soft and delicate and so full of anger.

He is not-

His eyes burn.

What would I feel like to him?

What are my eyes full of?

* * *

Assess…

Assets do not ask questions.

Assets do not ask questions.

Assets do not ask questions.

Assets do not ask questions.

Assets do not ask questions.

Assets do not ask questions.

Assets do not ask questions.

Assets do not ask questions.

Assets do not ask questions.

Assets do not ask questions.

Assets do not ask questions.

Assets do not ask questions.

Assets do not ask questions.

But he said your name was-

* * *

_“Come on **Bucky**! You promised you’d go with me to see my Ma in the hospital!”_

_“Argh.”_

_“What? What are you a pirate now? Come on! Get up. Let’s go, let’s go.”_

_“Mahaeeffehfamurn.”_

_“What?”_

_“It’s early, **Steve**. There’s a thing called sleep.”_

_“It’s seven! Agh! **Bucky**! Come on! Let me up!”_

_“Mmmm. Nope.”_

_“ **BUCKY**!”_

_“Sleep with me a moment. Then we’ll get up, okay? Just for a little while.”_

_“But-“_

_“It won’t do your ma no good to see you dead tired.”_

_“Fine. Just a few moments.”_

_He feels so soft in my arms._

_I won’t ever forget this moment._

_I will never forget this feeling._

_No matter what comes my way. I will never forget how soft your body is next to mine. I know mine is hardened by hard labor. I’m just trying to get by. I know I’m not very comfortable to curl up next to. But here you are, soft in my arms. Soft and delicate._

_I’ll smile, and I know as I do my lips with graze your neck. I know you’ll shiver, but say nothing. And I’ll do it again, but maybe this time I’ll press just a little harder. I’ll curl my arms tighter around you as if you’re shivering from the cold._

_And I’ll remember this feeling, this moment forever. You in my arms. Small and delicate and so full of anger._

_Oh no, I know I will never forget this._

_How could I?_

_I lo-_

* * *

 Assess…

Room. Unoccupied.

Assess…

Dreams.

Dreams are not in mission parameter.

Mission parameter unknown.

Command states mission: Choice.

What is ch-

* * *

 “We were young the first time we met.”

* * *

 “Hi! I’m **Steve**!”

“James."

"James? No no, there are at least five fellas in our class alone that are named James. Don't you have another name?"

"Buchanan."

"Um, well how about Bucky!"

"...okay."

"It's nice to meet you **Bucky**!"


	4. Chapter 4

I am.

I am.

I am.

“What is your name?”

I am.

I am.

I am.

“What is your purpose?”

I am.

I am.

I am.

“What is your name?”

“What is your purpose?”

“What is your name?”

“What is your purpose?”

“What is your name?”

“What is your purpose?”

“What is your name?” “What is your purpose?”

I am. I am.

I am.

I am **James Buchanan Barnes**.

* * *

 “I don’t remember you being this good at poker.”

“Oh I bet you don’t! You and sleeping beauty totally hustled us didn’t you? I should have known when you said you use to win. No one loses against you. You can’t lie.”

“I can to lie! When the moment calls for it.”

“No you can’t. You and your all American face. It disgusts me.”

“It’s just a face, Tony. Get over it.”

“Well I have never!”

“Gasp, well I’ll be!”

“Are you making fun of me, Boy Scout?”

“I don’t know, have you given me a reason?”

“Your face is a reason.”

“That doesn’t make any sense, Tony.”

“I’ll have you know-”

“Gold fish.”

“Huh? What was that sleeping beauty? Wrong game. Holy shit! I can’t believe-”

“You were hustling us and you pulled me into it!”

“That’s a royal flush buddy, and for that I say we do the best 3 out of 4, or we just skip straight to strip poker.”

“Really, Tony?”

“Hell yeah, we’re all men with exceptional bodies here. I think it would- hey sleeping beauty, the person who loses strips. You should probably put that shirt back on. Not that I wouldn’t mind seeing the stomach again but rules are rules, and never let it be said I don’t abide by the rules.”

“You don’t.”

“Eh, whatever.”

* * *

  I am.

He said-

I am **James Buchanan Barnes**.

I am-

What am I?

Assets do not ask-

No.

Who am I?

Assets do not ask-

No.

What am I?

Assets do not ask-

* * *

 "Alright, the in depth scan on your arm has finished. Now there is a device that seems to be a tracker, along with a device that seems to be a neuro-transmitter that isn’t connected to the rest of the preliminary nervous system. Which means that can be a kill switch. Now I’m not one hundred percent sure how your arm works with only scans to go by. It’s very rough by the way, going by just scans. But from what I can gather neither has been activated yet. Obviously. Otherwise you’d have a useless arm.”

Assess…

I can’t be without my arm. I am not skilled in one armed combat.

I do not remember-

I do not have the optimal training to survive if a threat were to arise.

“Anyway, if you ever let me touch that arm I’m sure I can remove both safely. Look, I’m going to bring up a diagram here. Well actually it's a hologram. It’s a hologram diagram. Alright, so this is your arm, and this is your arm without the metal casing from what we can tell by the scans. Cool huh? It’s mainly circuit boards and wires. Pretty rudimentary for such a pristine piece of technology.

Anyway, so you see this mess of wires right here next to your shoulder? That‘s the transmitter, and right behind that is the tracker. Basically all I would need to do it go in from this panel right here, which seems to be how your repairs were generally made anyway, and with steady hand disengage it.

The thing is, you’d have to be awake while I did this. If I make one wrong move it could mess with your whole nervous system and I’d need to know if I cause you any pain during this procedure. Of course, that’s only if you let me do it.

It’s okay either way. It hasn’t been activated yet which could mean it’s faulty, or any of the Hydra agents who knew about it before are gone. Or it could mean it just hasn’t happened yet. As long as you remain in the tower, no tracker signal is going to go through.

But yeah, anyway, just think about it okay? If you need any more questions answered, J.A.R.V.I.S can answer them. I’ve got to go help Steve with dinner now. Just tell J.A.R.V.I.S when you have an answer. ...Okie Dokie, bye now.”

Assess…

I can’t be-

I can’t-

I-

Mission directive: Choice.

Choice.

What is-

I can’t be-

What is-

Choice?

What is choice?

I can’t be without my arm.

What is choice?

What is my choice?

“J.A.R.V.I.S?”

“Yes, Sergeant **Barnes**?”

* * *

  “Thank you, Tony.”

“Huh? For what, Stevie? It’s my night to cook. I’m the one who made the list.”

“No, I mean for last night.”

“Ah-ha! I knew it. You secretly wanted to see my sexy body! Don’t roll your eyes! You know it’s true.”

“Thank you for helping Bucky smile. It was the first time in…well, it was the first time since the war. I’m just glad to see it again. And I’m really glad you’re letting us stay here and use your tower, Tony. You’ve helped us in more ways than I can thank you for, but I’ll try.”

“Don’t.”

“But Tony-”

“No, seriously don’t. I’m helping you to atone for my own sins. Completely selfish reason, I promise.”

“Okay.”

“Hey. No. No smiling like that. I meant it. I don’t like you or your little gang of misfits.”

“Okay.”

“I’ll never win with you, will I?”

“Nope.”

“Ugh, whatever. It doesn’t matter anyway. I wasn’t the reason Buck-a-boo smiled.”

“What do yo-”

“The only reason that kid is going to smile, is if he lets himself smile. It’s not up to us to heal him, Steve. He’s gotta heal himself.”

* * *

 Who am I?

I am **James Buchanan Barnes**.

I-

I-

I’m not sure I want to be-

I don’t want-

I don’t want to be _James Buchanan Barnes_.


End file.
